She “had a long list of demands, most of which she failed to meet”
One person took to Reddit to question whether he was wrong to tell his friends to lower their standards to find a partner.
The OP first explained that their friend (who they called Lola) had been looking for a boyfriend for “a long time.”
“She's on every dating app and whenever we go out to 'show the husband,' she wears white,” they added.
“She constantly complains about her dating life when we hang out,” OP wrote. “She would find some way to talk about her boy's troubles even though we were talking about completely different things.”
They went on to explain that it had become abundantly clear “why Lola couldn't marry a man” – she herself hadn't met her “long list of requirements.”
“She wants someone who is career-ambitious and makes six figures (she works part-time, lives with her parents, and seems in no rush to move out),” the OP wrote.
“He needs to go to the gym regularly and take care of his body (Lola is overweight and hates exercise).”
Lola's friends claimed that among other requirements she made, the person had to be musically gifted and tall, even though Lola herself was neither.
“She complains that no men approach her when we go out, but I've seen a lot of men ask her to dance, buy her a drink and so on, but she refuses them all.”
They went on to explain that they would respond when Lola asked them how they found their partner, Jim (who met all of Lola's criteria).
“I told her that if she wanted to find a man like this, she should consider being more involved in work, going to the gym, and pursuing hobbies that she would want in a partner,” they wrote. “Otherwise, she can either date a man who is as interested in her as she is or settle for being single.”
While they thought the response was “very polite,” it “completely ruined the mood.”
“Lola was furious and accused me of fat-shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight – just going to the gym because she wanted her partner to go to the gym),” OP wrote.
They concluded by stating that they “effectively ended the brunch with some advice that I found helpful.”
Some brunch attendees later asked the OP to apologize to Lola for their comments, while others supported them.
With over 1,200 comments on the Reddit post, it's safe to say the story caused a stir.
“You gave Lola honest, helpful advice when she asked for it. You didn't shame her, you just pointed out that people often date people with similar lifestyles,” one person responded. “Sometimes we need to hear the hard truth from our friends, even if it hurts at first.”
Another person wrote: “If you want to meet people who go to the gym, going to the gym may seem like an obvious step. In fact, it’s obvious and not fat-shaming at all. People of all sizes go to the gym .”
A third said: “People need the truth. A lot of people are being lied to these days and it doesn't help their mental health but makes it worse. True friends don't lie to each other.”
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#fat #friends #standards #boyfriend
